


Combeferre tastes science!

by Nemainofthewater



Series: Operation: reward ThebanSacredBand for surviving exam season [3]
Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Combeferre is a total nerd, Don't copy to another site, For Science!, Gen, Humour, I have never posted a youtube video so this could be terrible, I hope, Science, Science Experiments, Self-Experimentation, Swearing, YouTube, his friends are just trying to keep him alive, set in the UK because that's the only higher education system I know
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 01:53:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18459041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nemainofthewater/pseuds/Nemainofthewater
Summary: “Hi everyone! My name’s Aurélien Combeferre and I’m a DPhil candidate in Biochemistry at the University of Oxford. And I’m here with a fun new series of videos and challenges in honour of National Science Week."Combeferre is a grad student who wants to literally taste science. Grantaire is his snarky cameraman. The rest of his friends are looking on in panicked horror.Featuring: long-suffering Amis, a Combeferre with no self-preservation if it's For Science!, and accidentally!poisoned Grantaire





	Combeferre tastes science!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ThebanSacredBand](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThebanSacredBand/gifts).



> Finally something in fandom you know!

“Hi everyone! My name’s Aurélien Combeferre and I’m a DPhil candidate in Biochemistry at the University of Oxford. And I’m here with a fun new series of videos and challenges in honour of National Science Week.

 

As you might know, science and scientists have a long history of self-experimentation: I mean think about Barry Marshall, the famous Australian scientist who drank an _H. pylori_ culture to prove that bacteria caused stomach ulcers in 1984. He completely revolutionised the way we look at bacteria. I mean wow, that guy. …Not that you should be doing self-experimentation like that guys. It’s really dangerous, and also really hard to have a proper control so you won’t be able to get it past an ethics board. Or get published.”

 

“Because that’s the important bit ‘Ferre, the getting published bit.”

 

“Shut up R and keep filming.”

 

“Sorry about that. My friend R is filming for me and he’s doesn’t understand the whole ‘publish or die’ mentality that academia sometimes has.”

 

“Excuse you? Oh my god ‘Ferre, that’s so rude. I’m an artist? That’s like, my entire life. Anyway, if you didn’t want my snarky comments why’d you ask me to be your cameraman?”

 

“…”

 

“What was that?”

 

“No one else though that these videos were a good idea.”

 

“Hah! Well luckily for you I’m easily to bribe.”

 

“Can we just get on with the video? I’m already going to cut so much of this, and I haven’t even got to the actual challenge yet.”

 

“Sure, go ahead let’s get this out the way so we can go out for a pint before the good pubs close.”

 

“Thank you. Anyway, as I was saying, science has a long history of self-experimentation. And although none of you should be doing this at home -especially younger viewers!- I thought it would be a fun idea to recreate a few of those experiments.”

 

“Yeah of course it was the science history that gave you the idea, not the meme.”

 

“The meme?”

 

“Wait, you haven’t seen the meme? Oh my god, it’s the best thing ever. I’ll send it to you later.”

 

“Sounds good. Ok, back on track. So nowadays scientists and forensic technicians can identify hundreds of poisons and toxins pretty easily thanks things like mass spectronomy. But as early as a couple of hundred years ago we didn’t have any of these tests. What toxicologists would do is spend years tasting tiny amounts of different poisons so that they could identify them by taste. Wild right? So, I thought that I could do something similar.”

 

“Holy crap, you are suicidal man.”

 

“Look, just because I think it would be an interesting experiment…”

 

“Seriously. You want to literally poison yourself? No wonder no one would take you up on this, it’s a bad idea. Take it from me, I know bad ideas.”

 

“I have a load of activated charcoal here that I’ll take before I do anything. Plus they’re going to be tiny amounts. I’ll be fine.”

 

“How the hell did you get so much activated charcoal?”

 

“Professor Touéry. I told him about my video idea and he thought it was brilliant. He’s actually the one who’s providing me with all the chemicals as well.”

 

“How the hell did your supervisor ever get permission to look after a grad student?”

 

“Because he’s brilliant?”

 

“Urgh, look just do your video. You’re so lucky that Joly isn’t here.”

 

“Well viewers, you see this white powder? This is arsenic trioxide, once called the Queen of poisons. It was the most useful weapon in an assassin’s arsenal because it was tasteless, odourless, colourless and its effects looked a lot like the symptoms of dysentery. It was common all throughout Europe: people used it household creams and powders as well as for pesticides and weed killers. In fact, in 1858 in Bradford a confectioner mixed up a barrel of arsenic and a powdered gypsum, which he used as a base to make his sweets, leading to the poisoning of over 200 people.

 

Now, I said a moment ago that it was tasteless. But is it really? There are some conflicting reports, although that might just be if you’re poisoning someone the arsenic generally got put into food or wine so it might not have been concentrated enough to taste it. So, what I’m going to do it tip a little bit of it into a glass of water, a glass of wine, and then just lick a bit of it off my finger and see if I can taste it.”

 

“Shit, Combeferre take the fucking activated charcoal first.”

 

“Ahah. Oops. Thank for reminding me R. Ok. I’ve taken my medicine. Let’s do science!”

 

“…You’re such a nerd.”

 

“I’m going to try the poisoned wine first-”

 

“Enjolras is going to kill me for letting you do this.”

 

“And yes. Drinking it I can’t actually taste anything. So that’s score one for historical assassins! Now, onto the water. Hmm. I’m maybe getting a faint flavour, but I can’t actually tell whether it’s because I’m expecting to taste something or whether I can actually taste the arsenic. Ok, finally here’s the concentrated powder!”

 

“You should not sound so happy about this.”

 

“Yeah, ok just taking a small bit I can actually taste a faint sweetness. This is fascinating!”

 

“Is it over yet? Have you stopped literally poisoning yourself?”

 

“Just one more thing! So, I’ve read that when arsenic or arsenic-containing compounds are heated they have a garlicky smell, and I thought it’d be fun to test it out. Now, I made these earlier and I put a small quantity of arsenic in the batter.”

 

“Wait. Are those shortbread biscuits? What the hell Combeferre? I could have eaten them. You’re lucky that Bahorel’s at his fencing competition or he definitely would have eaten them.”

 

“It’s fine, I’m going to throw them away afterwards.”

 

“Oh well so long as you’re going to throw them away… I literally can’t believe you.”

 

“Just popping them in the oven to bake for 20 minutes or so. Now, it’s really easy to overbake shortbread and burn it because it’s basically just sugar and butter so I’m going to keep a careful eye on these.”

 

“You’re worried about burning the shortbread? Not the fact it’s laced with deadly poison?”

 

“Don’t be silly, I haven’t put enough in for it to be deadly. Except the one on the far right, don’t touch that one.”

 

“What?”

 

“Well, I have a negative control biscuit and then I’ve added increasing amounts of arsenic to the next few to see how much you need before the garlicky smell comes in. I basically just dumped all the leftover arsenic in the positive control biscuit on the far right though, so yeah. Don’t touch that one. Actually though. While we’re waiting I baked a load of biscuits earlier so I could test out the recipe. Want one?”

 

“No!...maybe. Curse you and your delicious biscuits.”

 

“Here you go.”

 

DING

 

“I think they’re finished. Great, now let’s just take them out carefully… And yes I can definitely smell a bit of garlic. We need to do this quickly before they cool too much. Grantaire, turn around.”

 

“Wait what?”

 

“I’m going to rearrange the biscuits and then I want you to smell them. So I can get an unbiased opinion.”

 

“I hate you so much. Fine.”

 

“Done! You can turn back around. Now what I need you to do is order the biscuits from least garlicky to most garlicky. It’s not a test don’t worry.”

 

“Well now you’ve said that it feels like a test. There. Done.”

 

“Hmm. Interesting. Well you definitely got the negative control right. That’s a arsenic-less biscuit all right. Now, I think- Wait. Shit. Grantaire but the biscuit down.”

 

“What?”

 

“You picked up a poisoned biscuit! Ok, quick eat the rest of this activated charcoal and then I’m going to drive you to the hospital. Damn damn damn.”

 

“Wait! Put the rest of these in the bin before someone else eats them.”

 

“You’re right. Ok, sorry viewers that’s all for now. I’ll see you next time on Combeferre tastes science! Grantaire! Get back here! I’m the one driving you idiot you’ve been poisone-”

**Author's Note:**

> Pierre-Fleurus Touéry (who I've cast as Combeferre's supervisor) was a French 19th century scientist who wanted to prove that activated charcoal worked to treat poisoning, so literally took a load of activated charcoal and nine time the fatal dose of strychnine in front the the board Académie in Montepellier and they just all...basically waited for twenty minutes to see if he'd die (he didn't).
> 
> Don't actually do any of this! Combeferre is crazy. Also, if I've made a science/history mistake anywhere please let me know :)  
> I am on Tumblr as [Nemainofthewater ](https://nemainofthewater.tumblr.com)


End file.
